Kink in Long Term Relationships: Episode 3 Transcript

00:00:33:15 - 00:00:38:11
Unknown
Welcome to kink and long term relationships. I'm Lola, I'm with Corey and Carly.

00:00:38:11 - 00:00:42:19
Unknown
And tonight we are at please, an educated pleasure shop in Brooklyn, New York.

00:00:42:19 - 00:00:57:02
Unknown
And tonight we are talking about role play. I don't know why I'm so excited. Role play. Oh, okay. Who wants to start out by giving us a definition of what role play is?

00:00:57:04 - 00:01:05:08
Unknown
Carly's going to let you do it. I'm gonna let you do it. Let me do it. They're so good at the thing. That's a great way to get me to do things.

00:01:05:10 - 00:01:27:06
Unknown
Role play. Role play is character work in the bedroom or wherever you're doing it. Role play is committing to the big role. Play is taking on clear roleplay, is taking on clearly defined roles and acting out a scene together in the context of your sex life. We love that just like it's a little show, but it's just for you.

00:01:27:07 - 00:01:50:15
Unknown
Yeah, yeah yeah, we love that. An orgasm that might that might end in an orgasm or giggling because I giggle through throughout. Do you have a favorite role play moment? Do you have a role play moment that you love. But do you have like a favorite that you've done that you'd want to share? I am not committed to the bit.

00:01:50:16 - 00:02:11:17
Unknown
I do not role play. I like to partake in fantasy things like I will watch it. I will like dirty talk about it, I will read it. But I am not someone that's gonna like put on an outfit and like commit to the bit. Yeah. You know. Yeah. Let me tell you about a role play that I saw that I thought was incredible.

00:02:11:19 - 00:02:36:16
Unknown
It was it was an impact scene. And the bottoms were dressed up as spotted lanternfly, and they were being stomped out by the top. Timely, geographically specific, topical, campy. It had it all. That is everything. I love perverts, they're really so creative, so creative. I've also seen a scene where, like, these two perverts put their hands inside someone and then, like, claps.

00:02:36:16 - 00:02:59:02
Unknown
And I was like, that's beautiful. I love that bonding. Yeah. Oh. So my my personal it was my favorite. Only because I just felt so proud. I don't like costumes. Like out of a bag. I do cosplay and I don't want to buy a costume. I like putting together an outfit. And I met this man on life Like You do.

00:02:59:04 - 00:03:18:01
Unknown
And he was like, do you want to come to Saint Mark's, the Saint Mark's Hotel, and, you know, have the sex with me? I said, sure. He's like, Will you dress up like a schoolgirl? And I said, can I pick what kind of school? And he goes, I don't know what that means. I'm like, you'll find out. I dressed up like Cruel Intentions, right?

00:03:18:03 - 00:03:37:01
Unknown
Like, not that like black skirt, little gray, charcoal gray like cardigan, little thing. And I had a rosary and, like, it was her head shunned. And when I showed up, he was like, that's like, you look like you're actually going to school. And like, that's what I want to do. I don't want to look like Mary Catherine Gallagher.

00:03:37:04 - 00:03:54:00
Unknown
Mary Catherine Gallagher, like superstar. No, I want to look like. See, I just like to, like, turn the look. And then I don't want you to, like, tear it off of me like you don't care. Well, no, because part of the role play is the play. So he was a principal. He did. We did a few different things.

00:03:54:00 - 00:04:08:01
Unknown
One was he was a jock who had a crush on me, but I wasn't supposed to give him the time of day. And I think another one, he was a principal and I was in trouble, and I wait, I did I do have one fantasy, that role play that I do enjoy, that there's one. I like a dirty massage.

00:04:08:06 - 00:04:29:17
Unknown
I want a back rub. I do want a back row, but I do like a dirty back rub from my partner where after the back row by hand, maybe slips into some more dirty like, yeah. Oh, the massage therapist is gonna get so fresh with me. Yeah, that's that's that's like a role play that, you know, that's every massage porn where they're like, what's going on?

00:04:29:17 - 00:04:47:13
Unknown
And, like, you knew that this room had so many candles, right? Yeah. There was one where I was like, I don't know if she knew what was going to happen because I was like, that looked like a real massage. And most of the video was a massage. Yeah. Like I was like, what are we going to are we going to do something?

00:04:47:14 - 00:05:04:07
Unknown
And then I was like, oh, here we go. Yeah. But that's that's the wonderful thing about role plays. You can kind of make it your own. Yeah you can, but I'm not against you buying a costume. If you if you're in it and you're like, I want to have this costume. But I also like being really creative and being a lantern fly.

00:05:04:07 - 00:05:23:09
Unknown
Or, you know, I had she really liked being a pig. She liked being greedy. And they've made so many pig things, sex, things like there's a pig butt plug and you get the little tail and the nose and the ears, and she had hooves. And I was like, oh, great. And pony. Pony plays like a type of role play.

00:05:23:09 - 00:05:40:22
Unknown
And I got so excited because I got to feed a pony. I knew it was a woman, but I got to feed her sugar cubes like I, and I was like, I can beat your pony. And then later, the guy, he was like, thank you for being so, like into it. And I was like, what do you mean it was a pony?

00:05:41:03 - 00:06:01:13
Unknown
Us sugar cubes. That's what it is. So it's kind of bringing that energy to your to your play. How do we do it without feeling foolish? I mean, you got to pick one that means something to you. Because if you're gonna pick one that, like you, it doesn't speak to you. You're gonna feel silly. So, like, you know, pick one that speaks to you.

00:06:01:14 - 00:06:15:19
Unknown
Like, if I'm going to do what I'm not going to do one that's like. Like a religious one like that, like I'm not going to pick a nun and a I don't know what a priest. I don't know what. Yeah. Or Jesus, I don't know what a nun hook up with. It would be Jesus. Because that's like none.

00:06:15:19 - 00:06:33:16
Unknown
And another nun. Excuse me. Bride of the Lord. So that's what I'm saying. Hello. I know things sing. You would do that? Because what if you sang Sister Act? What if you say my guy to Jesus? Yeah, you could do that as a role. But that's what I'm saying. Like that I wouldn't necessarily do because I'm like Loopy Goldberg.

00:06:33:17 - 00:06:53:09
Unknown
I don't know enough about the Lord. It's going to feel like a joke to me, but I think that's part of it, right? No. But like, yeah, if that brings you joy. But like, that would not bring me joy, but like, something that brings you joy and like, isn't going to make you laugh. Sexy. Yes. Something that you can be like, yeah, this is sexy to me that I know I can commit to.

00:06:53:10 - 00:07:11:09
Unknown
But laughter in play is okay. Yeah, exactly. Sex will humble you in so many ways, whether you're doing role play or not. And, you know, part of like, maturing and being able to have a more expansive sex life is being open to taking some risks. And like there being moments where something, something might happen that feels a little silly.

00:07:11:09 - 00:07:37:01
Unknown
And if you can laugh it off with your partner, you're going to build intimacy for that, which is great. I think even if you're trying to be so serious, like the member of the TikTok trend, and it was like, have your partner lean in the door frame, like do the the storybook like hero lean and like none of the women could take it, they immediately were either squealing or they would start laughing because it's and the men were into it.

00:07:37:01 - 00:07:48:17
Unknown
They were serious and fucking. They were like, I can't do this because it's your body is having a moment. So I think that can still be sexy and playful and it can still be hot. Okay, let's do this, I love

00:07:48:19 - 00:08:17:09
Unknown
what do you feel about CNC and other popular role playing dynamics do you have? I mean, I think which is consensual consent. Yeah. I think that a requires a lot of communication. I think that you have to have a lot of, like, things in place to be able to like, stop it just in case, because like, there is no like true like, you know, no limits, like you, you have to have a limit.

00:08:17:10 - 00:08:46:09
Unknown
Like, please, you have to have a please and thank you. Like everyone needs a limit and like you have to have something that is like a safe word and a stop. So like, even if you're doing like free use or consensual non consent or something like, you know, what do I think of it? If you have talked about it enough with your partner and you are in a place and this is not someone you have just met at a at a play party or something, then you know, absolutely go for it if that's something you want to explore.

00:08:46:09 - 00:09:11:11
Unknown
But like I think that it requires a deep level of trust and a shit ton of communication, planning and planning. Yeah, sure. Yeah, I, I totally agree that like, the communication and the safety building is so important and understanding when we're toying with the idea of no doesn't mean no, you have to know what does mean no. That being said, I think consensual non consent is so great.

00:09:11:11 - 00:09:28:19
Unknown
I think it's so funny. It's a really, really common fantasy. And I think for a lot of people, something that folks get really hung up on during sex is a lot of responsibility and guilt. Am I taking too long? Am I doing a good job? I feel shame about my desire. I feel shame about the things that I want.

00:09:28:20 - 00:09:55:20
Unknown
I feel guilty about asking for my partner to do these things. But when you're in a scenario where it's just happening to you against your will and you didn't ask for it, it can really kind of circumvent a lot of the psychological blocks that people have that prevent them from enjoying themselves. So even if your CNC isn't like super aggressive or like very like darkened mean it can, it can it can look that way, it can also look super sensual.

00:09:55:21 - 00:10:19:19
Unknown
You know, it can be just a verbal thing. It can be a verbal and physical thing. It can be a full on like dramatic role. All of those things have the opportunity to unblock a lot of stuff that prevents people from being able to enjoy the sex that they're having. So I think that that can be really useful and real talk if you're like mimicking or mirroring anything you've seen in popular media, you're probably doing consensual.

00:10:19:19 - 00:10:44:03
Unknown
Nasty. Yeah, dude, I'm old, but do you remember Luke and Laura from General Hospital? Luke sexually assaulted Laura, who then became his wife. So most of these romantic tropes that were fed in these movies, there's a lot of consensual non consent. So it doesn't all have to be like you're walking down a dark alley. Yeah. And something happens to you and it's like, oh my god, 50 Shades of Gray is on consent.

00:10:44:05 - 00:11:05:20
Unknown
Like they had a contract that was like free use essentially. So like they did have a safe word, but like it was essentially not even. Yeah. Like the whole thing. I mean, personally, I'm still saving up for a kidnaping. So we're it's going to happen one day. Like, I'm sure you've got enough friends, but no, no, because if I hear, I'll be like, is that you?

00:11:06:02 - 00:11:27:05
Unknown
Like, no, it has to be people I don't know. I want to be afraid, but I know I paid for it so. And nobody's ever up to fat people aren't trying to kidnap me in real life. Like that's the glorious thing. Because you need some burly, you know? Yeah. We could pretend you'd be Buffalo Bill, and I'll be sorry getting into it, but that is roleplay, right?

00:11:27:06 - 00:11:55:12
Unknown
It's like all these little weird, like, like, listen, whatever you find sexy or whatever strikes, like, eroticism in your heart, like. Right? It's whatever makes you light up. Exactly. What are some role play? Like what are some easy kind of role plays that you think are we talked about like student teacher, massage, massage. What are some other doctor and patients?

00:11:55:13 - 00:12:22:23
Unknown
Yes. Classes. Yeah. Role plays. That role plays that incorporate classic power dynamics. Yeah. Archetypes. People are really into the step or babysitter. Yes, the step sibling is. So yeah, I just started laughing because I was like, Gordon Ramsay. I'm like, what are you, an idiot sandwich. Like that kind of dynamic. Yeah.

00:12:23:01 - 00:12:45:06
Unknown
Can you imagine that role play. Yes, chef. And you're making dinner. That actually would be hot though. And you mess up and now you have to get punished. Write that down. Okay. What's that mean? It looks like Willy Wonka. Jeremy. What's his name? Alan. Something from the bear. Yeah, he looks like Gene. Yeah. Wilder. When he was young.

00:12:45:07 - 00:12:48:15
Unknown
Yeah. Okay.

00:12:48:16 - 00:13:14:01
Unknown
I am. Where is this going? I am the old black woman from elementary. Yes. That's me. I'm like, who's that man? Dirty talk. Dirty talk is a big element. That's a part of role play. How do we get into that? I feel like a lot of people struggle with, like, how to start saying disgustingly wonderful things to their partner.

00:13:14:03 - 00:13:34:07
Unknown
Yeah. People have such a hard time with dirty talk. I think that role play is a great way to get better at it, because it gives you sort of a script and a context to come up with things. But generally a good way to generate dirty talk is to use your five senses describe, narrate, instruct what's going on around you.

00:13:34:08 - 00:14:01:06
Unknown
How I love how you smell. I love how you taste. You fucked up this sandwich, you idiot. Make it again, you know. Describe what's happening in the scene. Describe how you feel about it. Give instructions. Give feedback at a curse word. Add a curse word. Add some moans. Yeah, yeah. People underestimate the the sexy sounds of just like moaning and heavy breathing and that sort of thing.

00:14:01:07 - 00:14:22:20
Unknown
That's also dirty talk. Like let let them rip. Like don't, don't hold them back, but also like that's a great time to like like unless you're doing like actively in a role play. Like that's if you're trying to just dirty talk, you could talk about things that you have fantasies about, like maybe you're, you know, checking out a new toy on your partner.

00:14:22:20 - 00:14:46:02
Unknown
And now is a great time to talk about that sexy book you've been reading. Like, tell me about that dragon or whatever, you know, or like, you're using a dragon toy and, like, you know, let's talk about the dragon of the tower. Alien insemination. Yeah, exactly. Like I'll be positive. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, those are great. I like that, like starting to share those.

00:14:46:02 - 00:15:11:04
Unknown
You can even just read. You can just. If there's a passage, there's something that you've liked, if that helps, especially if it's filthy. I think reading that really filthy smut out loud gives you practice with saying those things and again, role play. So we're acting right, like take on the persona. And I think that's the whole joy of role plays that you don't have to be yourself.

00:15:11:06 - 00:15:34:11
Unknown
You're not Ron Swanson, you are or you are Ron Swanson. But you don't have to be like your normal self. You could be like the lumberjack and the lost hiker and just pretend you're on Broadway and you're really trying to get that that Tony and everything else. Nothing matters. And you're just in it, and you're doing it even for the moment and laugh through it.

00:15:34:11 - 00:15:51:20
Unknown
I think the first couple times you're going to laugh, yeah, there's no way you're going to show up in a costume, even if it's just regular clothes that are different from what you normally wear, and your partner is not going to giggle at you and be like, oh my God, never mind. Let's just, let's just do this super into it.

00:15:51:21 - 00:16:13:04
Unknown
Yeah. Like, you know, I'm lit up. You can start the you can start the dirty talk before the scene to like a great way to build anticipation and confirm that there's shared by in and the thing that you're going to do is start texting about it earlier in the day. Like, you know, just checking in with my masseuse to make sure that my appointment at five is on today.

00:16:13:06 - 00:16:28:16
Unknown
What kind of oil do you have available? Yes. You know, and so then you're you're thinking about it. You're like building that erotic anticipation. You're going to make things feel a little bit hotter and more at ease when it's time to get going. I love that you just have to remember that you're going to do that because you like, who the fuck is this?

00:16:28:17 - 00:16:48:18
Unknown
Yeah, like, what are they talking about? Talking about? And you can do that with any of the scenarios. But like the built in days, you could do it days leading up to it. You can like, take your time shopping for that stuff together. Like going through and picking out the, like going through your closets. What could we wear if you don't want to dedicate like money to it yet?

00:16:48:19 - 00:17:08:03
Unknown
Like I just went through and found things that look like a schoolgirl. Do you have a plaid shirt? Look, you're a lumberjack. You know, you got a brown blanket. You could be a bear, like, whatever. Just go through what you have. You don't have to, like, spend the money first. And it could just be, you know, you could be a psychiatrist patient and not have to put on an outfit.

00:17:08:06 - 00:17:35:09
Unknown
You just be together. Socks grippy. Oh, I do, because I saved them from hospital. So basically what we're saying is that role play can be a lot of fun. There's so many ways to get into this, and you can take your time and find things at home to start doing it or just talking about it, but whatever you choose and whatever way you choose to get into it, just have fun with it.

00:17:35:10 - 00:17:41:05
Unknown
Thank you for joining us for kinky, long term relationships, and I hope you join us for the rest of the episodes.