Kink in Long Term Relationships: Episode 5 Transcript

00:00:33:21 - 00:00:57:15
Unknown
Welcome to kink and long term relationships. I'm dirty. Lola. I am with Corey and Kali. And tonight we are at Please and Educated Pleasure Shop in Brooklyn, New York. And we are going to talk about specific kinks. So these are going to be things like knife play, electro play, chastity, voyeurism, exhibition. I don't know, where do we want to start.

00:00:57:16 - 00:01:31:11
Unknown
I mean that's a wide range. I know well okay, let's break it down. So I think these have their own category because these are things that are not the run of the mill I wouldn't call. I wouldn't call any except for maybe voyeurism in an exhibition. I wouldn't call the rest like a beginner moment in kink. I think these are things you pick up over time and you need to have some instruction, whether it's books or like you need more than just, I bought this and I'm going to use it for these, right?

00:01:31:13 - 00:02:01:07
Unknown
Knife Play wants to talk about, that's all. You friends. Sure. So knife play is one thing that we can do inside the world of fear. Play playing with fear. Right? Knives evoke a sense of imminent danger and threat there. If you're playing with real blades, there is, in fact, real danger happening. So it's important to be in your most sound and controlled mind when you're doing that kind of thing.

00:02:01:11 - 00:02:27:03
Unknown
Yeah, but a knife is a symbol that can bring a lot of intensity, and I think that the best way to utilize these, like very specific, high theatrical, high impact tools is to put in the time to craft a bit of a scene around them. Right? A touch of role play so that you have context and kind of a narrative arc that you're going to go through that can build up to implementing this tool and then wind down from it.

00:02:27:05 - 00:03:04:22
Unknown
A lot of folks doing knife play will use wooden knives, knives that are acrylic. Yeah, that are not actually going to cut you, but can feel very sharp, especially if you can't see. Yeah, that will create that sensational intensity and then context right. Some people will use real knives if the point of the scene is cutting off clothes and like doing, using force and creating, creating the threat, some people will do like anywhere from light surface cutting, scraping, scratching each other to DIY scarification and more permanent marks.

00:03:04:22 - 00:03:19:10
Unknown
And those are those are big commitments. Probably not the first thing that you're going to do the first time you play with a knife. But there's a there's a whole range of ways to implement the prop, right, which at the end of the day, all of these BDSM tools are props for the various little plays we're putting on.

00:03:19:11 - 00:03:37:22
Unknown
Right. Exactly. Yeah. And I like that you talked about that. They don't have to be like the metal, like a classic knife. It could be like a wooden or an acrylic and they make really pretty things. You guys like there where you don't feel like I'm using this wooden life. It's not like the little bamboo picnic knives that you buy from Whole Foods, not those.

00:03:37:23 - 00:03:57:03
Unknown
It's like pivots have crafted them. Yeah, like they're very thoughtful, very thoughtful. And they still give you, like, the handhold, the weight, the all the things you would want for it from it. But if you're worried about it or you just don't, you're like, I'm, I feel better about using these over. It feels like it's going to cut you, but it won't.

00:03:57:04 - 00:04:16:04
Unknown
Which is important because if you accidentally stab your bottom, the fact that they gave consent is not going to hold. No it's not. You will be in trouble for that. Yes. And especially if you're in certain states, you're going to have to tuck and roll and not tell them what you were doing, because kink is still very not legal in many places.

00:04:16:07 - 00:04:38:18
Unknown
Like, yeah, I'm sorry, Boston, if you've been watching, you can't do any kind of impact play. Boston. It's illegal there. So sorry. Just don't want you to. Yeah. No public play electro. I mean, I love electro. Yeah, I think it's great. There's different kinds of electro. There's the one that's like surface level. That's going to be more like static electricity.

00:04:38:18 - 00:05:01:20
Unknown
And they have like neon ones for that. And that's more of just like going to be on the surface like sensation play. And then there's more of like tens type electro play that can be the pads or like and implement that can go inside of the body. And that's going to feel more like electrical pulses that can actually cause your muscles to clench and release and feel like an internal massage.

00:05:01:23 - 00:05:25:03
Unknown
Yeah. And they're like the things they're using when they're like, mimicking period pain. A lot of times it's. Yeah, like they feel like a really nice massage, or it could feel like someone making you do this with your muscles. Like it very vastly rages. Yeah. And really with the pads, like, they can go anywhere on your body except, like, you don't obviously want to put them on your head and you don't want to cross your heart.

00:05:25:04 - 00:05:42:20
Unknown
Now, your eyes, I mean, your head disappointed. Your whole entire head. Any kind of devices. Yeah. And I mean, avoid your heart in your head. That's like the general rule of thumb, but, like, genitals are fine. Like legs are going to be fine, but is a great area to do it because you're going to feel a lot of that in your genitals.

00:05:42:21 - 00:06:06:12
Unknown
Like. Yeah, like it's a lot of really fun sensations to play with. And like even just the one that's like the neon one, ones that are surface level, like look really cool. Those are like static electricity on crack. Yeah. It's a lot like they can be really late. But then there's everything has accessories and kink. Yeah, they have the one that Power tripper that like you put the electron on your body and then you conduct electricity.

00:06:06:12 - 00:06:23:01
Unknown
Electric I love that. Yeah. And then when you pick up metal items and they collect electricity. So then if you use like a Wartenberg wheel, it's going to feel like a tattoo machine. Or like if you use your mouth, you can give electrified oral sex or it'll turn like if you have like a pom pom with the mylar.

00:06:23:02 - 00:06:46:02
Unknown
Oh yeah, my LA electric motherfucker. And this is we were talking about things that are cute and nice and then how they hurt. Fuck. I'd rather you poke me with, like, a metal rod than a fucking mylar pom pom. That shit hurts because it's like a whole bunch of little electric currents, like, all at once. But those are, again, if you're buying these things, buy them from a place that can explain them to you.

00:06:46:04 - 00:07:07:16
Unknown
If the place can't explain them to you, not read the box. Yeah, like the person, if the person is reading off the box, don't buy it from there. Or like the person should be able to explain the product to you in a way that like makes you confident to use it. And like if they can't, I would go to a different shop that like has more knowledge about it because you need all the safety, all the safety things.

00:07:07:16 - 00:07:28:06
Unknown
And they also make sex toys with you'll see it labeled as like Easton. And there's still those plugs and all things. So they're like they have panels. Yeah. Like metal panels on them. So they might not be like a full sheath of metal, but it'll be like these different panels. And they work in the same vein as like a tens machine if like yeah.

00:07:28:07 - 00:07:49:20
Unknown
Feels wonderful. Yeah. And those even that stuff like the sites that sell them are so much information, but you really do need to read about it because like having an IUD, if you have a copper IUD, you don't do it, don't do it. But those are the things people don't think about. Like you would never think like, maybe I shouldn't put this in if you have a pacemaker.

00:07:49:22 - 00:08:14:20
Unknown
Exactly. Like, yeah, even like toys that are magnetic, like some of the toys have magnetic thrusting pieces. Like you shouldn't use the pacemaker, right? Because it'll all set. Then you should ditch that pacemaker. Yeah, it's really killing the fun to get that out. Yeah. Turn it off. Can you turn it off the wall, chastity? I mean, we both love.

00:08:14:22 - 00:08:43:01
Unknown
You can split it together. Yeah. Chastity is wonderful. Chastity is is a is a type of deprivation play as a type of control. It's really popular amongst people with penises to wear chastity cages of varying fit and varying amount of restraint. It's a little bit harder to find chastity devices for people with Volvos, but they do exist. Do you think?

00:08:43:03 - 00:09:03:01
Unknown
Yeah, they totally exist. Most of the time, you're chastity device has a lock and key available, so you can either do, you know, play restraint solo by yourself. Like, I'm going to put my cage on today. I'm going to leave the key at home, and I'm going to go to work and have that like awareness all day, have that feeling of restraint all day.

00:09:03:01 - 00:09:23:14
Unknown
Or you can always hand the key over to somebody else and give that person control over your ability to access your not just your ability to come, but your ability to access your own genitals. Add on to that. Then they start teasing you so that, like your chastity device becomes uncomfortable. You've got scenes aplenty because it keeps your penis from expanding.

00:09:23:15 - 00:09:47:01
Unknown
It's usually like, yeah, it's firm. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't have any. I just, I have my lock and key tattoos from my years of lock and key. Having a sub in chastity. Yeah. And I mean and I think for me that's what's so fun about chastity is you could do it by yourself. Like, you don't have to have someone be in charge with it.

00:09:47:07 - 00:10:09:10
Unknown
Like you could freeze your key and it has to thaw out for you to get to it. Like any of the things, some people go really deep into chastity. So some of these things, I think when we're talking about them, we're talking about them in the realm of people in a relationship who are exploring with them. There are people who get really deep into chastity and like days, months.

00:10:09:13 - 00:10:32:12
Unknown
I knew somebody who like a year he would get like some freedom day. He could earn a freedom Day. And it wasn't even about coming. It was just like getting to take it off because imagine you have to shower with that on. You have to pee and you can't. You have to teach yourself how to pee with it in a position and hope that your cage accommodates pee draining out.

00:10:32:14 - 00:10:52:11
Unknown
This is one person on, I think, TikTok or whatever on social media somewhere that she like has submissives and chastity and she'll like take the key to like, I don't know, like a store and like drop the key into boxes and make them by whatever she puts the key into it. I'm like, I love this. Yeah. You go, great content.

00:10:52:12 - 00:11:14:19
Unknown
This isn't on here, but this is popping up a lot on TikTok sounding. I feel like this keeps popping up and people are like, I'll let you do anything except for put something in my penis. So what's what's down? It's just why you shouldn't say I have no limits. I like as a as a sex worker. He claims all the time who are like, what are you into?

00:11:14:19 - 00:11:36:21
Unknown
I want to do what you want to do. And you know what? It turns out they never do. No want to do what I want to do. They don't. They don't. You won't let me. Okay. Well, that's not what. Yeah. No sounding sounding. Is there a series of rods and they can be made of like, silicone metals, usually stainless steel.

00:11:36:22 - 00:11:54:14
Unknown
Smooth, smooth. I saw a very polished would set, like a hard wood, like a ebony. It was like a really. And I don't know if it was like okay to be using. Somebody had crafted it and it looked like the metal set, but it was just hyper polished really all the things. But I would, I don't know, what is it finished with?

00:11:54:16 - 00:12:16:22
Unknown
You know, what question usually traditionally they're stainless steel and they come in gauges. So you can start really small and then work your way up. And it's like, if you've ever had a Q-Tip dipped into your penis to swab, it's like that. But yeah, like because it feels bad. And some people like because it feels good. Yeah, yeah.

00:12:16:23 - 00:12:36:17
Unknown
I feel like a lot of people at some point in life have had one of those experiences where, like, you really have to pee, but something is kind of kind of like erotic about it. Like, you really have to pee with that pressure. Feels kind of good. Yeah. And you know, when you really have to pee, there's pressure on your urethra.

00:12:36:17 - 00:12:57:18
Unknown
And when you are inserting objects into your which is risky, which needs to be super, super hygienic, which needs to be done very carefully and gently. Don't just do it like this is shoving things out there. You gotta and you have to be slow and meticulous. Yeah, yeah. You don't shove it in. You have to let it dry it in on its own.

00:12:57:19 - 00:13:15:15
Unknown
Yeah, but once you get there, it's pressure on your urethra. And a lot of people enjoy the feeling of pressure on their urethra. For a lot of different associations, this is going to overlap with one of the other things we're talking about. But how I came to the joy of sound. I've never gotten to sound someone, but I have watched far too many.

00:13:15:16 - 00:13:36:06
Unknown
And also not enough men sound. Because back in the day when Twitter was fun, it was like people would just go, hey, can you would you like to watch me do a thing to myself? And I always said yes. So because I was like, of course I want to do this. And I watched so many men, they just wanted to talk to me while they sound it.

00:13:36:06 - 00:13:52:21
Unknown
And I learned about it through them. I was can you explain why you like this? Can you show me your tools? And they would talk about why they liked it and they would do like the whole thing. And it was fascinating. It was fascinating seeing how everybody had their different moment and like the different gauges people were working up to.

00:13:52:21 - 00:14:07:01
Unknown
And they would like show off how big their p hole was getting because it's like stretching your ear lobes. It's the bigger the gauge, and especially if you use it a lot, it's going to start stretching it out. And like one guy he was up to like one of the big ones and he was like, look how big my whole is.

00:14:07:01 - 00:14:37:23
Unknown
I'm like, oh, look at you. So everybody's so creative, but I actually find a lot of joy in it. Yeah, I like making other people's kinks happen. Yeah. If I can facilitate your fetish, maybe that's my fetish I like I want to make it happen for you, but, yeah, that was. It's fascinating. So it may not be a thing you're necessarily if somehow you found out you like this and you're in the long term relationship.

00:14:37:23 - 00:14:56:13
Unknown
I think, though, at first, starting out watching your partner do it, especially if they're into it, I think it's going to be harder. I think sounding is the anal sex of men, you know, like they're always like trying to men are always trying to convince their partners and they're like, come on, just let me try. I feel like this is we found a thing, ladies.

00:14:56:13 - 00:15:18:05
Unknown
We found a thing. Come on. Just let me put it just a little one. It doesn't need to be a big one. We just have a small one. This should be your campaign. I'm like, oh, you want anal sex? Can I sound you like, let's do it. Yeah, I love it. So we talked about voyeurism a little bit.

00:15:18:06 - 00:15:38:10
Unknown
I feel like that's an easier. Yeah, that's a real easy thing. I mean, it can be risky. I mean, there are ways to do it without it being like. Don't be looking at people's window. Don't be looking at people's windows. I mean, unless you're very far away and you have a telescope. No, don't do that, okay? Don't do that.

00:15:38:16 - 00:15:59:12
Unknown
I've never done that. Don't admit that. If you do do that, it's New York and I believe curtains. I agree with, you know, people. Yeah. Lots of people don't have curtains in New York. And if you leave your windows open, you want to be watched a little, like, you know, are you watching porn on your projector TV and the window is open, friend.

00:15:59:13 - 00:16:24:05
Unknown
I'm gonna look in. Oh, yeah. I asked him what he was watching. But also, voyeurism can be watching your partner and like, the throes of passion while they masturbate, you know, while they take a bath. Those are some really fun, easy, accessible ways to do it. We're running. We're running low on time. We talked about this already.

00:16:24:05 - 00:16:45:20
Unknown
And our fetishes kinks and our our fetishes kinks and our all Kings fetishes. And again, I just want to reiterate why they aren't. All fetishes, are not all kinks are not fetishes. Because not everyone needs this thing to get off. Usually a fetish is like it's got to be a part of it. People with foot fetishes got to have like something going on with the feet.

00:16:45:21 - 00:17:04:06
Unknown
If it's not there, it's not going to happen for them. Same thing if someone has a latex fetish, anytime the fetish is after, it's like it needs to be a part of sex for them to like get that full, deep enjoyment of it. I think that people who have a fetish, who can also put that aside, but maybe it's just not as fulfilling.

00:17:04:06 - 00:17:29:22
Unknown
But that's what makes it a fetish and not just a kink. And I think that's where King can be a little bit more pedestrian fetishes. There's like, it's the difference between fetishes you've made your hobby, your job, you've really committed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like in it. You have equipment now you've bought things. This is no longer just like, I'm going to use this wooden spoon like you got stuff and that's the difference.

00:17:29:22 - 00:17:56:14
Unknown
So if you are getting into these higher tier kinky things, just really educate yourself and make sure that you get some guidance. Finding a local shop, a kink focused sex shop where somebody can really talk to you about it. Taking some classes. Believe me, there's going to be a class about something. You'll find a nice play class or a play class, but you want to do more than just pick up the tool and try it at home.

00:17:56:14 - 00:18:03:08
Unknown
You want to have a little bit more under your belt before you do that. Thank you so much for joining us for kink and in long term.

00:18:03:12 - 00:18:15:03
Unknown
Relationships. I hope you've enjoyed this series and my time with Corey and Carly. And once again, I am Dirty Lola and thank you for joining us. Have a good night or day.