Psychology of Kink: Episode 4 Transcript

00:00:36:02 - 00:00:58:04
Speaker 1
Welcome back to the Psychology of King. My name is Aubrey and I am joined by Goddess Victoria's sway and mistress Madeleine Prior. And tonight we are a please and educated pleasure shop located at 635 Fifth Avenue in Brooklyn. In this episode, we are going to be discussing erotic architecture, the psychological and somatic building blocks of creating a scene.

00:00:58:06 - 00:01:28:16
Speaker 1
Kink is often imagined as chaotic or dangerous, but in practice it can be highly designed. Erotic architecture refers to the intentional construction of roles, ritual, pacing, and atmosphere that make power exchange both safe and transformative. It can be planned, but as you'll see in this conversation, it can also be highly intuitive. Now we'll go into the dungeon to learn about the architecture of what creates a scene.

00:01:28:16 - 00:01:40:13
Speaker 1
And oh, am I so excited for this one because I cannot wait to hear your process of how you go about this, mistress Madeline, tell me what goes into scene creation for you.

00:01:40:15 - 00:02:11:17
Speaker 2
It's evolves a lot over time. In the beginning, when I was a sweet little baby Dom in New York City, I was definitely an over planner. And I think at that time I really used planning and overthinking and sort of scripting in a way to make me feel more confident, to help me walk in feeling like I know what I'm going to do and I can rest in the planning.

00:02:11:18 - 00:02:36:21
Speaker 2
I'm kind of nerdy, overachieving student at times, and that helped in the beginning. But I found over time that at a certain point that actually inhibited me. I was becoming inflexible to being receptive to the moment because I was like, what? We have to get to the next thing because we have that other thing that comes after, and it won't make sense narratively if we don't.

00:02:36:22 - 00:03:12:14
Speaker 2
And all in here, like very head focused, head centric Dom and my tantra training, our tantra. I mean, I'm sure we have similar training in this way. Called me back to my body, called me back to feeling into a moment, responding to someone's somatic cues, being inspired by the environment. And so when I'm dumbing, especially when I had my own dungeon space, I would lay out all the tools and I had this dynamic array of toys and little visual signals available to me.

00:03:12:15 - 00:03:40:12
Speaker 2
And so I would start creating scenes in the moment. And once I started to find my flow state with that and get some confidence, that really became my go to way of being is putting on a list three, 4 or 5 things that I knew I wanted to do and a theme, I think every single scene. So I know the why, even if I don't know the what.

00:03:40:14 - 00:03:42:13
Speaker 2
I'll give an example.

00:03:42:15 - 00:03:44:15
Speaker 3
Do do do do do okay.

00:03:44:16 - 00:04:13:08
Speaker 2
Recently I was taking someone into their inner child and it was a mommy scene in a way, but it really just was harnessing maternal energy. And I did the scene in my home dungeon, and right beforehand, I decided that I wanted to bake a pie. So I made baking the pie part of the scene. We can't. The client came in and started picking out the ingredients.

00:04:13:11 - 00:04:37:04
Speaker 2
I had him read the recipe. And so there's there's moments where the theme can actually sort of inherently inform what actions make sense. And the story will often write itself. But the theme I really I love to have that with me because it creates this central anchor through which the rest of the scene can evolve.

00:04:37:08 - 00:04:39:05
Speaker 1
And gorgeously unfold.

00:04:39:06 - 00:04:49:20
Speaker 2
The pie did finish baking as soon as the scene ended, and got to come out of the oven. As soon as the scene was over, I just was like, I'm done.

00:04:49:21 - 00:04:51:15
Speaker 1
And how was the pie? Did the sub do a good job?

00:04:51:21 - 00:04:56:03
Speaker 2
I was amazing. Yeah, we both had a piece of pie, as it was.

00:04:56:05 - 00:05:02:12
Speaker 1
No better aftercare than pie. Not as Victoria tells me a little bit about what scene construction looks like for you.

00:05:02:12 - 00:05:43:17
Speaker 4
So I've always operated from a kind of very intuitive wing it standpoint. I will figure out what the kind of feeling is and what the polarity of the session is going to be. So, you know, do they they want to feel victimized? Do they want to feel cherished? Like, I'm really try and figure out what the why is and then agree to some activities, you know, electrical play or are you going to want to put you in this cage.

00:05:43:17 - 00:06:14:18
Speaker 4
Am I going to? Whatever the activities are, I'll agree to those. And then I have this moment of fear that I'm not going to know what I'm going to do in this session, but oh well, I'll just start and then it finds me. And that has worked for me for, you know, over ten years. And so now I trust it and I rely on it and I just do it.

00:06:14:19 - 00:06:16:06
Speaker 1
That's amazing.

00:06:16:08 - 00:06:17:16
Speaker 4
Works for me.

00:06:17:18 - 00:06:38:23
Speaker 1
And I'm curious to hear about duration. And I know that can be very specific to the sub, because you might have more of a lifestyle service stub where there is not your life in certain ways, but in specific scenes. What's the sweet spot for you both? What do you find is the length that you're like, I can do all the things I want to do here.

00:06:39:00 - 00:06:41:08
Speaker 1
What does that look like for you, Goddess Victoria?

00:06:41:08 - 00:07:13:19
Speaker 4
It's more about reading the person and you know where they are in their experience. And so how long I do something or how I continue with them is, is more into what I'm reading from them, you know, where are they in their peak. Do they need to come down a little bit? Do they they need to, you know, go up and I fit that into the window of whatever the allotted time is.

00:07:13:21 - 00:07:16:23
Speaker 4
So.

00:07:17:01 - 00:07:43:06
Speaker 4
Duration there isn't an amount of time that I'm like, okay, I can do a full arc here. Whatever it is, I can make that arc happen in an hour. I can make it happen in four hours. You know, whatever it is, I think people think, okay, well, I'm going to flog and I have to flog for half an hour or and then I'm going to, you know, do this and I'm going to do this for whatever time.

00:07:43:06 - 00:07:54:19
Speaker 4
And it's more about learning to read the situation and read the person and figure out when it's time to flow into the next activity.

00:07:54:21 - 00:08:01:19
Speaker 1
No flogging time timer. That's great. Do you have a specific time amount in which you like to play?

00:08:01:21 - 00:08:32:15
Speaker 2
I love a two hour scene. Yeah, that's my sweet spot. I really won't do anything less than 90 minutes. I can have a lot of fun with three hours. If it's four hours or more, you're paying a premium because it's exhausting to hold space for that long. And so I love a two hour scene. It gives you enough time to really take containment and drag it out, which I love.

00:08:32:16 - 00:08:59:21
Speaker 2
I love to take time with those early steps and like, have someone just breathe with me. I like just standing behind someone and just breathing on their neck for 2 or 3 minutes too long. So long that they have three different thought processes of I like this. Wow, this is scary. Now I'm bored. This is boring, actually. Like in the room, they come out of that and they're like, what's going to happen?

00:08:59:21 - 00:09:16:14
Speaker 2
And then I just throw something across the room. You know, it's like that. That time becomes a luxury long after care is a luxury. And so that's my preference. But same, same. You can make it happen and several different.

00:09:16:16 - 00:09:41:23
Speaker 1
Make the same work for you. Well, since we're here talking a little bit about intensity, let's talk a little bit about the arc of intensity going through your scenes. I can imagine speaking to your experience of how there's a lot of intuition going into it. You're reading the moment. Is there anything that either of you do to kind of pace the intensity or bring any intentionality to the intensity you're creating?

00:09:42:02 - 00:10:07:06
Speaker 4
For me, teaching somebody to pay attention to what desire feels like in their body is what really creates intensity. So starting, like you say, where they're standing there and you're behind them and you lean in and you say something and, you know, pointing out now you feel desire. These are the things that you want, and you can chase that desire and grasp onto it.

00:10:07:06 - 00:10:37:18
Speaker 4
Or you can just let desire spread in your body and you you circle and you build this. Now you feel me touching you, and now I've moved away from you, and now you desire for me to touch you again. That really intensifies the scene when they start to feel okay. Oh, I can feel desire in my body and it is a sensation and it's not intellectual.

00:10:37:20 - 00:10:38:18
Speaker 2
Your broadcasting.

00:10:38:19 - 00:10:53:00
Speaker 4
Right. That's what that's what builds intensity and polarity. But yeah, those are the two the two main things getting them in their body. Yes. Yeah.

00:10:53:02 - 00:11:06:10
Speaker 1
Always always always the magic of the play space. Well we've talked about desire, shadow negotiation and structure. Let's close by asking how this all functions over time, especially in long term relationships.